07/07/25 |
Still searching for my Community #30andfriendless|

Friendship | Collins Dictionary Definition

1. variable noun

A friendship is a relationship between two or more friends.

2. uncountable noun

You use friendship to refer in a general way to the state of being friends, or the feelings that friends have for each other.

Friendships.

How does one navigate and nurture these?

Friendships have always been a complex journey for me - for pretty much the majority of my life - dating all the way back to when I was in primary school. I’ve never truly felt as though I’ve fit in or built relationships where I was genuinely liked for being me.

Now, in my 30s, when I think about potentially making new friends or forming new bonds, I instantly feel a sense of anxiousness.

“Will they like me?”

“Am I coming across too serious, too uninviting?”

“I wonder how long this friendship will last.”

Meeting new people and making conversation hasn’t really been a stumbling block for me. For the most part, I’m a talker - I enjoy a good, light-hearted chat. Where I find myself falling short is in nurturing these friendships into something long-lasting.

Like, I’ll have a good run with a friend - we’ll talk often, exchange WhatsApp voice notes, speak on the phone now and again, even arrange to meet up. But then… it just fizzles. It’s as if I’ve been ghosted.

Lol - I literally just chuckled to myself.

However, it’s not a humorous feeling.

Feeling as though you are replaceable. As if you have no value.

Sadly, this is a feeling I’ve experienced on and off since I was a kid. And I had hoped that, by adulthood, I would’ve cast that feeling to the back of my mind and learned to leave it there.

Unfortunately - but not surprisingly - during times of uncertainty and anxiety, those feelings creep back up.

I read somewhere that mourning the end of a friendship is normal and shouldn’t be frowned upon or made fun of. But is it ok to mourn a friendship that ended without any reason? A friendship where you were just… ghosted?

How should you feel about those friendships?

I go back and forth with myself constantly about whether or not to reach out to those friends.

Maybe it was a misunderstanding?

Maybe they thought I didn’t want the friendship?

Maybe I wasn’t making enough effort?

I don’t know. I just don’t know.

And then there’s the good ol’ fear of rejection. The kind where someone talks to you out of politeness - not because they really want to. So once again, I’m setting myself up to be ghosted. Forgotten.

But what is life if you’re constantly fearful of rejection? You won’t do or experience anything if fear of embarrassment or rejection is holding you back.

I’m longing for deep, meaningful relationships. I truly am.

Loneliness is not fun.

Granted, there’ll be points in all of our lives where we have to sit with our thoughts and find safety in solitude. But surely, that shouldn’t be every day… right?

Or maybe it can be. And if that’s the case, then that’s… ok. I guess?

Hi. I’m Ivy Scarlett.

I work a 9–5 job in Tech and write about lifestyle topics pretty much any chance I get.

I’m also, very much, friendless. Lacking in the meaningful relationships department.

But I remain hopeful that one day that will change.

Until then - if you’ve made it this far - why not check out some of the other posts on my blog? I’m a pretty decent writer, if I say so myself.